Wednesday's Writing: Do You Talk Yourself Out of Success?

By Glenys O’Connell @GlenysOConnell

 

*This was first published two years ago, but I thought it was worth repeating!

“Argue your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.” #Richard Bach #quote

Do you talk to yourself? Most writers do – and we’re not alone. Most ‘Normal’ people talk to themselves, too. Not always out loud, but there’s that inner voice in your head that comments on just about everything you do, advises you, comes up with great (or not so great) ideas, comforts and inspires.

Or not.

Because lots of us have voices in our heads that talk us down. Sometimes they may even sound like someone in our past who has told us our ‘limits’. Your mother, another relative, a teacher, a friend, an employer, people who may have said things ‘for your own good’ or to ‘stop you getting big headed’. Perhaps people who were afraid to step out on Life’s High Wire themselves, and passed that fear on to you. Or people afraid they’d lose you if you became successful, or who were genuinely afraid you’d be hurt if you strove for high dreams and fell flat on your face.

But now that self-talk is firmly embedded in your mind. You want to write a book? It’s too much work…I’m not talented enough..who would want to read what I have to say…it’s silly, everyone would laugh….no-one from my social class has ever…I’m too old….

You want that beautiful home, that fulfilling job? You want love? Success? Happiness? A healthy inner voice cheers you on, tells you that you do deserve good things; but that negative inner voice will come up with all the reasons why it’s a bad idea, you don’t deserve it, who would love you anyway,. and why can’t you just settle for, well, second best?

Or fill in the blank here for what your little voice says:__________________________________

It may be a little voice, but it puts huge limits on you. It may help you stay within your comfort zone, but it doesn’t help you achieve the dreams that are in your heart.

Negative Self Talk Limits You.

Basically, your mind accepts what you tell it. If you say you can’t, well, you can’t.

Say you can, then that wonderful organ, your brain, will have all its neurons scurrying around for ideas and plans to help you do what you want to achieve.

Of course, it’s not that simple;sometimes you want something that just won’t work out for a number of different reasons that may be beyond your control. Funnily enough, if one dream doesn’t work out, your clever brain often comes up with a substitute dream much more suited to you, and do-able.

So, spend some time every day having a chat with yourself; tell yourself that you are a smart, caring, competent, deserving person.

It won’t be easy, it won’t be painless, but you can erase the limitations that experiences and other people have encouraged you to put on yourself. Talk nicely to yourself, be positive, and believe  that you can.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes. Write it out and hang it where you’ll see if often:

‘Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it – boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” Johann von Goeth #quote

Glenys O’Connell is a trained counselor and the author of Depression: The Essential Guide and PTSD: The Essential Guide

Monday’s Inspiration: Post Holiday Depression Got You In It’s Grip?

 

So, the big holiday kerfuffle is over. Presents unwrapped, to cries of joy, or frowns of hidden disappointment, or gasps of horror: ‘You bought me that? What were you thinking?”

The decorations are down. The clean up begins – maybe our home looks suddenly dull, boring, even scruffy but we lack the energy to do anything about it.

We’re back to our day jobs, all the late nights and late mornings, the excitement, the visitors, the feel-good factor of being free of the everyday, all that is gone.
It’s dull outside, and unless you’re in the southern hemisphere, it’s pretty cold. –23C here right now, and snow. Even the birds seem depressed.

And so do many people. It’s hard to get back into the groove. You’re tired, despite a good night’s sleep – if you were lucky enough to get one. Writing seems such a big effort – and why bother, when all those dreams of success and a huge readership, or of good reviews and praise for great writing, all seem so unattainable now?

It’s the post-holiday blahs. Which will soon become the February blahs.

There are lots of myths about suicide stats around holiday times, and I say ‘myths’ because the whole holiday thing is actually a kind of life raft, lifting us out of the daily grind, full of hope.
Then come the Blahs. The depression stats for January aren’t mythical, nor are the rising numbers of suicides at this dark and cold time of the year, post party. The ‘goodwill’ is over, the bills are coming in, and a whole other work year looms ahead. After all the hype and expectations of the holidays, is it any wonder that the day after New Year’s Day brings a hard landing down to earth and reality?
Time to take action.

The odds are good you’re not depressed in the clinical sense, but if you think you are, of if suicide tends to creep into your thoughts a lot, you need to drag yourself over to your doctor’s office. He or she may suggest anti-depressants, and they can be a good start to getting back to your usual self. Better yet, a good counselor can be a life saver, literally. Many professionals believe that a short-term drug intervention, combined with counseling, is the answer to depression for most clients. Remember that a good counselor doesn’t just sit and listen, she helps you find the root of your problems, and to find the solution that you need, as well as developing coping mechanisms to keep the Black Dog of depression away.

But if you’re just feeling down, dissatisfied and restless, a good start is to get back into a routine. That may not be your pre-holiday routine – perhaps you need something more, such as greater stimulus or more free time.

Maybe there are things in your life you need to change, and that’s something to think seriously about. Get out  your notebook, write them down, then write the obstacles, the pros and cons, to each one, and list some possible solutions. Choose the best solutions and see how you can implement them.
Maybe it’s just the letdown after the holidays. The big annual holiday brings with it a lot of stress, physical demands leading to exhaustion, unrealistic expectations (your own or someone else’s), and the feelings of inadequacy coming from the sheer over-commercialization. Family get togethers can be a source of tension and leave you feeling depleted. Or perhaps you couldn’t see your family because they’re too far away, or maybe you were alone and it seemed everyone else was having a great time. Blah!

Here are some links you might find useful. Or you could get a copy of my book, Depression: The Essential Guide!

http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/holidays
http://www.medicinenet.com/holiday_depression_and_stress/article.htm
http://www.ehow.com/about_5122621_causes-holiday-depression.
http://www.rightdiagnosis.com/h/holiday_depression/causes.htm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXiz5WqITi8

Have you found a routine that gets you our of the blahs and into a happy routine? Please share in a comment here for others who may be going through the blahs.

Monday’s Inspiration: Do You Talk Yourself Out of Success?

By Glenys O’Connell @GlenysOConnell

“Argue your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.” #Richard Bach #quote

Do you talk to yourself? Most writers do – and we’re not alone. Most ‘Normal’ people talk to themselves, too. Not always out loud, but there’s that inner voice in your head that comments on just about everything you do, advises you, comes up with great (or not so great) ideas, comforts and inspires.

Or not.

Because lots of us have voices in our heads that talk us down. Sometimes they may even sound like someone in our past who has told us our ‘limits’. Your mother, another relative, a teacher, a friend, an employer, people who may have said things ‘for your own good’ or to ‘stop you getting big headed’. Perhaps people who were afraid to step out on Life’s High Wire themselves, and passed that fear on to you. Or people afraid they’d lose you if you became successful, or who were genuinely afraid you’d be hurt if you strove for high dreams and fell flat on your face.

But now that self-talk is firmly embedded in your mind. You want to write a book? It’s too much work…I’m not talented enough..who would want to read what I have to say…it’s silly, everyone would laugh….no-one from my social class has ever…I’m too old….

You want that beautiful home, that fulfilling job? You want love? Success? Happiness? A healthy inner voice cheers you on, tells you that you do deserve good things; but that negative inner voice will come up with all the reasons why it’s a bad idea, you don’t deserve it, who would love you anyway,. and why can’t you just settle for, well, second best?

Or fill in the blank here for what your little voice says:__________________________________

It may be a little voice, but it puts huge limits on you. It may help you stay within your comfort zone, but it doesn’t help you achieve the dreams that are in your heart.

Negative Self Talk Limits You.

Basically, your mind accepts what you tell it. If you say you can’t, well, you can’t.

Say you can, then that wonderful organ, your brain, will have all its neurons scurrying around for ideas and plans to help you do what you want to achieve.

Of course, it’s not that simple;sometimes you want something that just won’t work out for a number of different reasons that may be beyond your control. Funnily enough, if one dream doesn’t work out, your clever brain often comes up with a substitute dream much more suited to you, and do-able.

So, spend some time every day having a chat with yourself; tell yourself that you are a smart, caring, competent, deserving person.

It won’t be easy, it won’t be painless, but you can erase the limitations that experiences and other people have encouraged you to put on yourself. Talk nicely to yourself, be positive, and believe  that you can.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes. Write it out and hang it where you’ll see if often:

‘Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it – boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” Johann von Goeth #quote

Glenys O’Connell is a trained counselor and the author of Depression: The Essential Guide and PTSD: The Essential Guide